Impossible Choices

When we examine the pivotal moment of Beloved we can notice that it is similar in a lot of ways to the critical moment in Native Son. Both characters are placed into a position where they have to make an impossible choice. Bigger either had to choose being accused of rape which would most likely result in death, or killing Mary and having some hope to move on. Similarly, Sethe had to choose between being captured by Schoolteacher and going back to Sweet home, or kill her children.

Both characters picked the choice with most ambiguity. Bigger knew the consequences of being caught, and so rather than accepting that we would be caught he chose what, in his mind, was the better option. He acted completely out of instinct and self-preservation and so we cannot blame him for doing so.  

Sethe was placed into a very similar position when the four horsemen showed up. As soon as she saw them she acted instinctively and made a choice. Her only other option was to let Schoolteacher take her children to Sweet Home and live a life of slavery. Sethe knew that his option was a terrible one and so she chose what, in her mind, was the better alternative. Which was to kill her own children. In my opinion we are not allowed to judge whether this action was justified or not, and frankly it doesn’t matter if we do. The point of both of these passages is to show that these characters are placed in impossible situations and are forced to make a choice. It is to protest against slavery and oppression, but more specifically to demonstrate the absolute horror of slavery.

Another demonstration of this horror is the portrayal of the characters in the eyes of white characters. In Beloved, we get insight into the thoughts of the four white horsemen and the way in which they see Sethe. When they discover that she has killed one of her own children their immediate reaction is to view her as an animal. Not only do they see her as property, but they literally hunt her down. Just like hunters hunting down prey, they view her as something similar to a beast.

This dynamic is also present in Native Son, where we see Bigger being hunted down by the police for the murder of Mary. We see Bigger running away from the police on the rooftops until he is finally caught by the “hunters” and thrown in prison. Both novels are protest novels attempting to demonstrate the horrors and portrayals of slavery and discrimination. 

Minstrelsy in Ellison, Hurston, and Beatty

All of the books this semester have had some degree of similarity, and we used those similarities to compare characters plots and themes. One very unique theme present in each of the novels is minstrelsy. While often not specifically stated or explained the ideas and notions come up very often. However, each author has a different take on the implications and use of minstrelsy.

Hurston’s outlook on Minstrelsy seems to be the most positive. When Janie is living in Eatonville there are many scenes where we see the use of minstrel entertainment. The gossip and comedy that occurs on the porches is a prime example of black “performers” entertaining the white readers. Hurston later also idealizes the muck and shows how the farmers live in the moment and are always happy and having fun. Despite working under a white landlord, Hurston chooses to focus on the pastoral aspects of glades. Hurston is criticized by Richard Wright for this exact idea. Wright says that black writers should be continuously advocating for more rights and protesting the system. He criticizes Hurston for employing such an idealized view of sharecropping without any mention of suffering or hardship. Wright makes his stance on minstrelsy very clear, that every African American novel should be protesting the ideas that minstrelsy creates, not promote them like Hurston does.

Ellison’s narrator encounters a blackface cast iron figurine, and he freaks out. The narrator is appalled that Mary would keep such an offensive object in her house. The figure depicts a performer with a large grin. While the minstrel performer is supposed to be happy, it seems like the grin could also be seen as choking. After freakishly beating the figurine into smithereens, he packs it up in his briefcase and attempts to get rid of it. Every time he attempted to get rid of the briefcase someone ends up returning it to him. He is trying to get rid of the racial stereotypes put upon him, but it just keeps coming back to him no matter how hard he tries.

A similar dynamic can be seen with Gunnar in White Boy Shuffle. Despite his seemingly successful life, Gunnar is very apathetic in his basketball career. He always feels like the oddball out. Even though the white kids in his school treat him well, he is still treated in a special way. Even though he is put on a pedestal and everyone idolizes him, he feels isolated. This is very similar to the narrator’s experiences; No matter how successful he is Gunnar can’t get away from feeling isolated and treated differently because of his race. Beatty even illustrates this point by creating a satirical reverse minstrelsy dynamic. Gunnar dresses himself in “whiteface” before his game against Phillis Wheatley. Gunnar describes his endeavor “While the whites pep-rallied over banana pancakes, I planned my first rebellious act.”(Beatty 163) This original minstrel dynamic displayed white actors portraying black people because black people were deemed to be inferior actors. Gunnar being the best player on the team dresses as a white player implying that he is stooping down to an inferior level of play.  This seems to be Gunnar’s attempt to defy the white power structure and try to “fit in”. Of course this entire seen is made into a satire, just showing the absurdity of the situation, and how it is impossible for Gunnar to get away from the racialized stereotypes enforced on him.  

Gravitating Towards Gunnar

Books are very unpredictable, sometimes they are just awful, other times a book just clicks, and you can’t put it down. For me, The White Boy Shuffle clicked in an instant. I’m not trying to be cliché, but Beatty’s use of humor and Gunnar’s sarcastic joking character really made the book come alive. For me most fictional books and characters seemed so distant. Good authors, like Wright for example, are able to create situations where I can feel emotion or create situations that I can relate to, but Beatty does this and more. Beatty goes the basic empathetic style, and creates a character that we really want to be around, someone that we want to get to know better.

People in this class describe him as the “funny, cool black guy” (28). Characters in the novel gravitate towards Gunnar and I seemed to be drawn to him as well. Within the first few pages, I already knew I loved Gunnar. Gunnar’s book “Watermelanin” had me laughing from the first page. While the title in and of itself is funny, it has also “sold 126 million copies”. Beatty surrounds Gunnar with an incredible aura of satire that makes every scene seem like an occurrence that we see every day. We know that a book of poetry would never actually sell 126 million copies, but because the way he presents it is so nonchalant and direct we end up wanting to believe him.

I also feel Gunnar’s character is very tailored to our generation and age range. Gunnar uses “swear words” to the point that they seem normal. In high school I feel this same way, I hear the language so often that it feels normal to hear it every day. Gunnar even uses the language in a way that I hear all the time. His purpose for using foul language isn’t exclusively to insult or belittle others. Most of the time it is for comedic value. Like when he writes his letter to David Schoenfeld he ends the letter with “Shalom, motherf***er” (40). This is exactly the type of language I see every day in high school.

Also the fact that Gunnar uses such language at such a young age makes it seem even more satirical. Gunnar seems to be so mature, and instead of using his maturity as a way to put himself above everyone, he uses it to make everyone like him. Gunnar, despite his very nonchalant carefree attitude, is very intelligent which furthers my respect and attachment to him. In the third grade Ms. Cegeny asked Gunnar “what was the last thing Melissa read” (29), and even though Gunnar was daydreaming and talking to Cecilia he was able to summarize the passage Melissa read. All of Gunnar’s qualities make him a very entertaining character that keeps me turning. While I am curious to see where the plot takes us, I am more interested in the humor and witty comments that Gunnar is sure to keep bringing to the table. 

Is love a choice or a feeling?

Janie's view of love and sexuality is constantly changing and adapting. When her story begins Janie is first discovering her sexuality. As she is sitting under the pear tree, she sees the bee pollinating the blossoms and she enters this stupor and for the first time she understands that love and marriage are a natural occurrence. This view is contrasted very heavily by the view of the Grandmother. Because of the Grandmother's experiences as a child, she sees that she needs to protect Janie and marry her off as soon as she reaches womanhood. She the Grandmother see's Janie kissing Johnny Taylor, she knows it is time for her to marry someone safe. The grandmother views marriage and love as something that should be arranged, rather than something natural.

When Janie marries Logan Killicks she says "He look like some ole skullhead in de grave yard". She associates Killicks with death, as opposed to her view of love which is full of life and nature. When Joe Starks comes along, he is the better option by far. While she knows their love isn't perfect, she is willing to give it a go, rather than living and working for Killicks her whole life. For the first few years of their marriage it is implied that they had fun. But now that fun had begun to dwindle. " The bed was no longer a daisy-field for her and Joe to play in. It was a place where she went and laid down when she was sleepy and tired." Janie's expectation for love had been fulfilled for the first seven years, but now that Joe has begun to mistreat her she begins to look for something else.


After Joe dies, she immediately feels like a large burden has been lifted and that she has a lot more freedom. Janie has felt the two extremes of a marriage. Killicks worked her too hard and treated her literally like an animal-- something to do the farm work. On the other hand, Joe treated her too "special" and she felt isolated from the town and she still had to work too hard. Even though Joe mistreated her she still learned something in their marriage. As Joe was dying, Janie tried to mend their relationship even though she didn't feel that spark of love like she did initially. When she tries to help Joe it is showing that she is trying to love him out of a choice, instead of pursuing love just as a natural feeling. This shows that maybe Janie's view of love is beginning to change.  
I bet as we see the relationship between Janie and Tea Cake progress, we will see Janie's view of love change even more.

Becoming Invisible

The concept of invisibility and the narrator’s self-awareness are very tightly related. From the prologue we learn all about the concept of invisibility, but it doesn't totally make sense to us. We only start to understand the idea, when we look at the narrator’s realization of freedom and agency. At the beginning of the novel the narrator seems absolutely clueless. When he gives his speech at the Battle Royal, he doesn't understand that the audience is messing with him. When he gets kicked out of the school, he doesn't realize that Bledsoe is setting him up for failure. Even when he joins the brotherhood it takes a long time before he wonders if he was being used as “a natural resource”. In all of these instances we see no thoughts on "invisibility" and he is still oblivious to everyone shaping his life for him.

The first steps to his realization start in the hospital. After being subjected to the machine, the narrator is very disorientated but he has a brief moment of clarity after the nurses made him angry.

“And suddenly my bewilderment suspended and I wanted to be angry, murderously angry. But somehow the pulse of current smashing through my body prevented me. Something had been disconnected. For though I had seldom used my capacities for anger and indignation, I had no doubt that I possessed them; and, like a man who knows that he must fight, whether angry or not, when called a son of a bitch, I tried to imagine myself angry -- only to discover a deeper sense of remoteness.” (p 237)

Before this point, we have never seen the narrator express a whole lot of emotion. Maybe a few instinctual feelings of fear and panic with Mr. Norton, but they were natural feelings that everyone in that situation would feel. This is the first time where we see individual thoughts and emotions that were personal to the narrator. He even says “I seldom used my capacities for anger and indignation”, so we can recognize that he is making some headway into making his own decisions.

Later when he first joins the Brotherhood he gives a speech that is emotional, but is criticized for not being scientific enough. The Brotherhood’s ideology states that people need to think for themselves, rather than just being energized into a thoughtless mob. This is ironic, because by forcing the Narrator’s speeches to be scientific they are taking away his personal thoughts and replacing them with a concrete strict set of rules. The Brotherhood is taking advantage of the narrator and it is a while before the narrator realizes he is being used in this way.

The next turning point for the narrator is the scene of yams. This is scene is very consequential because it is shows that the narrator is doing what he wants to do. This scene contrasts with the scene in the diner where the narrator refuses the pork chop and coffee and instead takes the toast and orange juice. In the diner he is only taking the toast in order to defy the stereotype. This time he eats the yams because he wants to. “I walked along, munching the yam, just as suddenly overcome by an intense feeling of freedom -- simply because I was eating while walking along the street. It was exhilarating. I no longer had to worry about who saw me or about what was proper.” (p 264) As the narrator begins the realize that he should be making his own decisions, he starts to question everything else. Around this time the narrator wonders if the Brotherhood was just using him “as a natural resource”, and he starts to realize that people don’t see him as a person and are using him for their own self interests. This begins the path to the narrator becoming “The Invisible Man”.  

Steps towards the Prologue

In class we have discussed the prologue and how it the Narrator seems completely different in the prologue compared to the other chapters of the book. On top of that it seems that after almost every chapter our Narrator seems to be a different person. There is of course the idea of "invisibility" and you could argue that the Narrator progresses from a very eager member of society who is ready to enter the field of established power to a person who is seen but really is "invisible" and falls from the world of recognition and power. While his argument is totally valid, I would just like to look at the smaller changes between chapters and look at his character development.

In the opening chapters it seems that the Narrator is on top of the world, in his opinion. He is very optimistic about life and is pretty naive in the the sense of "the game". In the battle royale scene, he doesn't really notice that the audience is messing with him. He gives his speech with the intent of impressing all the important people in town, but he doesn't realize that they are there for entertainment -- that he is being mocked as a form of that entertainment.

In chapter 2, we see him in a similar light. He is super cocky and tries to look good to impress Mr. Norton. He thinks "Of course I knew he was a founder, but I knew also that it was advantageous to flatter rich white folks, Perhaps he'd give me a large tip, or a suit, or a scholarship next year"(p38). Similar to the speech, he just wants to impress people to look like an educated intelligent black student. But again he lacks understanding of the bigger picture, and it seems that his short term goals are going to be his downfall. This want to impress Norton can be seen as the cause for his expulsion. In order to give Norton what he wants and impress him, he takes  Norton to Trueblood, which in the end gets him kicked out of school.

Even after getting expelled he continues the over-the-top optimism. He sees it as a good opportunity to work in New York and gain experience before going back to college. This blind sense of optimism creates a stark contrast to his first personality change. This change happens after the Narrator discovers what was actually in the letters. This event causes the Narrator to switch from the happy-go-lucky optimism to a deep hatred for Bledsoe and him swearing revenge upon him. This very rapid change is rather confusing, and it is the first step, of many, towards the Narrator from the prologue.

Is Bigger Really Human?

Is Bigger Really Human?

I'm not about to argue for some absurd reality or complex conspiracy, rather I would like to take a look at Bigger's "choices" and evaluate whether he is merely responding to his environment or if he is consciously making decisions of his own free will. Conscious decisions are what separate us from animals. A predator displays an imitation of human choices, but they are not really aware of their decisions.They are simply recognizing stimuli and responding to it. Bigger Thomas can be seen in a similar light, and a variety of critics have commented on Bigger’s  inhuman qualities. At the same time Bigger in many instances does exhibit complex thought and unique ideas.

There is an extensive argument for both sides of this loaded coin. After analyzing Native Son in class for a week my gut instinct is to side with the Naturalist point of view, more specifically the "lab rat" analogy. That Wright is simply placing Bigger in a variety of compromising situations and simply observing his reactions and responses to the environment. The principal evidence for this argument is the quintessential scene of Bigger suffocating Mary. As the observer we can’t help but feel sorry for Bigger, he was only trying to protect himself and any action he performed would have ended up in a compromising situation. In those moments Bigger is driven solely by fear and panic. He does not think ahead, rather just responds to each event. The text is filled with reactionary language. There is a common pattern in the way the paragraphs are structured.

(p 85)

“The door behind him had creaked.” “He turned and a hysterical terror seized him, as though he were falling from a great height in a dream”

(...)

“Mary!” she spoke softly, questioningly.” “Bigger held his breath.”

(...)

“Mary!” “He felt Mary trying to rise and quickly he pushed her head back to the pillow”

The pattern continues for the rest of the scene, but it is obvious that every action Bigger does is directly in response to something Ms. Dalton does or says. He makes no independent actions, and his only thoughts during the scene are observations rather than assessments and impressions of the situation. This makes me think that Bigger is not in control of his actions and is just being Wright’s puppet to make a point. I agree with one of James Baldwin who said that the point of fiction is to show the development and complexity of characters. Bigger Thomas is not someone who displays this complexity. At this climactic moment Wright writes Bigger as a visceral character driven out of pure instinct rather than a complex character driven by individual thought.

There are still plenty of instances where Bigger looks like a completely different character. The main example that comes to mind is Bigger’s whole plot to frame Mary’s murder as a kidnapping and make a ransom demand. This plan, even though it spawned from the framework of Leopold and Loeb, took effort to put into place. Even after Bigger was caught people asked who his accomplices were, because no one thought that a black man would be capable of such a plan. This implies that his plan had to involve some careful thought out ideas.Bigger also considered the option of fleeing multiple times, but he made the decision to go through with his plan.

The two contradictory points of view both have very compelling arguments. It is important to think about the reasons why Wright would include two sides of such a contradictory character. I believe in some instance Wright purposefully trapped Bigger to illustrate that in the real world many people really are trapped and any decision they make leads down a bad path. Wright didn’t want the whole book to be solely based off of forced decisions because then Bigger would cease to be human and the corollary between Bigger and the rest of the world would cease to have value.

Grant for Project Based Learning

Executive Summary:

My name is Ezra Johnson and I am applying on behalf of University Laboratory High school. I have been teaching at “Uni” for over 10 years and have really enjoyed my time here. The students are very intelligent and eager to learn more. As a “Laboratory” school we are supposed to preform many projects inside the class room. This idea has been thwarted by financial issues for a very long time and thus our equipment is often broken and out of date.

We recently updated a single room to be more technology based, with a projector and touch-screen TV. This room has a had a lot of success with teaching and with engaging the students. We wish to apply a similar concept to other classrooms in hopes of encouraging more project based learning. Many of the students have complained that they get bored with lectures, and want something exciting to do. We really want to encourage this enthusiasm and culture it into something that they can use the rest of their lives.

We would like the Toshiba America Foundation to consider a grant of $10,000 to support our efforts of establishing a more project-based learning environment.

Needs Assessment:

One of the areas we are really lacking is the science department. Multiple times this year my colleague in the physics department commented on how old and broken his equipment is. I would really like to see physics be a class where the students can experiment with the information they learn and apply it in structures or machines. Projects like mouse-trap cars, or building trebuchets, any sort of project that would engage the students and allow them to apply the concepts they learn in their science classes.

One of the problems with this new project based curriculum would be creating new lesson plans and adapting them to accommodate these new projects. Some of the grant money would go to the teachers for their efforts in planning out these new projects for the students. The majority of the money would go to buying new equipment for the students to use. The equipment could include but is no limited to:

1.       New Physics equipment. Including new large magnets, new circuitry sets, materials for building bridges and trebuchets and other projects determine by the teacher

2.       *I’ll add more specifics 

Esports Editorial

The majority of parents, at some time or another, have told their kids to stop playing video games and go do something productive. Well, what if I told you video games could become the child’s career. In the not so far future the world of “ESports” could become a whole new form of entertainment. The emergence of massive online gaming has made it possible for people to become Esport athletes and compete at a pro level. MOBAs (Massive Online Battle Area) such as League of Legends and DOTA 2 have risen to new heights. With over 70 million active players, League of Legends is the largest online game in history. Riot Games hosts an annual international competition with the prize pool in 2015 being $2.3 million dollars. Not only are tournaments huge but viewership is also at record highs. The 2015 League of Legends World Championship final totaled at 36 million unique views across the globe. In comparison the 2015 Super Bowl had a total of 114 million viewers. It is shocking to see that a single video game is approaching the viewership of traditional sports.

Even universities are beginning to recruit young talent and offer scholarships to Esport athletes. Recently UC-Irvine announced that in the coming fall they would be offering scholarships to these athletes. UC-Irvine is one of the first offer scholarships to athletes that will compete in the ULoL (U-League of Legends) collegiate series. Many other schools have school teams that also compete in ULoL. Thirteen of the Fourteen Big 10 schools have collegiate League of Legends teams. In fact, earlier this week Big Teen Network and Riot games agreed to televise the Ohio State vs Michigan State League of legends match. This is the first time an event has been broadcasted on a collegiate network.

Many other games such as Counter Strike: Global offensive have also had huge success in the Esports industry. Many of these pro players are payed salaries similar to those of traditional athletes, some making over 2 million dollars a year. In total the Esport industry is predicted to bring in 17 Billion dollars in 2016. These athletes also can get P-1A Visas so that they can travel to other regions when they are drafted by professional teams. These Visas are given to “Internationally Recognized Athletes” and these Esport athletes fall under this category.

This new generation of Esport athletes could really change the way we look at video games and the way we view traditional sport athletes as well. Parents might rethink their statements about video games and might possibly encourage talented kids to pursue careers in Esports. 

The problem with Super powers

What superpower do you wish you had?

Flight or invisibility? Super-strength or super-speed? Control over the elements? The possibilities are endless. But which to choose? They all have advantages and disadvantages. I kind of like to think of it as rock paper scissors -- except way more complicated, sometime ask Daniel Vardy about his complicated version. Beyond the advantages there are conditions about practicality and of course the entertaining nature of the superpower. I mean who would want the power to turn trees into jellybeans, sure it might be cool but compared to all the possibilities it looks pretty lame.

Now that I have thoroughly avoided the question and blabbered about vague concepts, I’ll answer. Nothing. Now is the point where you all scream at me for being a fool. It might sound arrogant or over-the-top but I really think that having a super power wouldn’t be fun. Maybe for the first few days it would be cool, but eventually I would begin to take it for granted. I would be so full of myself that I might forget what life is like for others. It would separate me from my friends and family and alienate me from the rest of the world. Not just alienate me in the sense of separation, but I would literally become an “alien” as in a being that is non-human. No matter what the super power you are going to feel this isolation from everyone else. I wouldn’t ever know what it would be like to lead a normal life.

I mean if you woke up one day with some amazing super power your life would change forever. Your friends would view you differently, they wouldn’t care as much about the type of person you are, they wouldn’t care as much about your friendship. They would just start to care about the physical aspects of your body rather than looking at your character. You might be summoned places for tests and experiments, and the media would explode.

Everyone’s attention would be drawn to you. I’ve always wondered what is like for celebrities. I feel like not being able to go shopping without people staring at you would be incredibly hard. Even the super heroes eventually get their identity revealed and they could no longer live a partially normal life. I would never get to go to college and major in whatever I want. From that point on I would never be able to settle down with a job and a family. I would always be busy, and get all the attention. At the same time I might start to feel depressed, it’s sort of part of being an “alien” the idea of isolation and not having someone to talk to would begin to wear away at your already forgotten personality.

I don’t mean to destroy anyone hopes and dreams of flying, but in my opinion it just isn’t as practical as people make it out to be. As for me I’m perfectly content with just being a average Joe and living my life the way I want rather than having a super power dictate my life for me.

Why we lie

How comfortable are you with lying?

Exodus 20:16 “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.” I always thought why it was never “Thou shalt not lie.” Many of the other commandments are straight forward like “Thou shalt not kill.” Or “Thou shalt not commit adultery”. So why not state plainly “Thou shalt not lie.” I think this is deliberate, and that there is a difference between lying and “bearing false witness.”

Many people say that “Honesty is the best policy.” While this may be true there are situations in which it is possible to be too honest. Brutal honesty can be very hurtful, it is often better to tell a small lie to avoid any trouble and benefit both parties. For example, when your prom date walks down the stairs, no matter what you actually think, you are going to compliment them. When you say “You look great!” you are technically lying, but in the process you are raising their self-esteem. This is why the commandment is not “Thou shalt not lie”, it is sometimes the better option to lie. I would take the small lie over brutal honesty any day. Like with anything, take this with a grain of salt. Continuous “white lies”, as they are called, can destroy your credibility and be a hindrance to serious relationships.

So what does “bearing false witness against thy neighbor” mean anyway? The key difference is the way the deceit is used. Bearing false witness means to plan or devise lies designed to hurt others. It is the intent to hurt others that sets it apart from simply lying. For instance, if I needed a 4.0 to get the scholarship I really wanted, I might be motivated to cheat and lie to get there. I might make a plan to break into a teacher’s laptop to change everyone’s grades. Give myself a perfect and give all the people I dislike 0’s. I then proceed to lie to the teacher when they ask me if I changed the grades. Most people with a decent set of morals wouldn’t lie and cheat in this way.

These two types of lies are the extremes, and of course there is a variety in between. Lies really do depend on the situation, it is hard to write a guidebook with a perfect balance of honest and beneficial lies. It also depends on personality. As I see it lies are just gateways to worse things. I’ve seen it in my oldest sister, I remember when she became a teenager that she began to lie more and more to my parents. It started with small things like practicing the piano. My parents would ask “Did you practice while I was gone?” and she would answer affirmatively. Well, I knew for a fact that she hadn’t, but I didn’t want to rat her out. In a sense I was helping her lie. Soon she began to lie about what time she was going to come home. Or where she was going, or who she was hanging out with. Of course she also kept everything from me, so it I don’t know exactly what went on. The one thing that I could notice is her relationship with my parents. Remember how I said that you begin to lose credibility, well that’s what happened. My parents couldn’t trust her, they couldn’t tell the difference between the truth and the lies anymore. Trust is hard to win back, and I just saw them growing further and further apart. I’m pretty sure she was thrilled to leave home and be free from the constant hovering of her parents.

After seeing this example, I knew that I didn’t want to have that kind of a relationship with my parents. I want to be trusted, I want people to be able to rely on me to follow through and get things done. That’s why I try my best to tell my parents exactly what is going on. Peer pressure, especially in high school, can be to rebel against your parents and “live a little”. I would encourage people to listen to their parents more, I’m not discouraging anyone from “living a little” or having fun, but at least listen to what you parents have to say. The last thing you want is a parent to say “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

Assumptions and Judgments

What assumptions do people make about you? *Help me with transitions please.

In it’s early history America became known as the “melting pot”, immigrants and ex-slaves and everyone in between came to the new world for a better life. However, things didn’t always go the way people wanted. Stereotypes began to arise, ideas like Asians have “squinty eyes” therefore they have bad eyesight, or blonde people are ditsy and clumsy. We still have stereotypes today, and whether or not they are offensive we still make assumptions when we really don’t know much about the person.

Well, I’m a white Caucasian male. I’m sure there are many stereotypes, but I have never really been subjected to them. There are broad general stereotypes, but people also make assumptions on a personal level. For pretty much as long as I can remember I was the “goodie-two shoes” the “teacher’s pet” or what have you. I don’t intentionally suck up to teachers, it’s just sort of my personality to be nice to people. I’m pretty sure I have never been hated, that obviously sounds incredibly arrogant, but I think it is true for the most part. I can’t remember anyone who despised me and was always rude and angry with me.

This is the point where you are expecting some cheesy line like “If everyone was kind we would live in a much better world ”. Ya whatever, everyone is different and if we live in a place where everyone had the same ideals and same morals the world would be pretty damn boring. The world needs some sort of contrast. If everyone was perfect there would be no evil, if there was no evil there would be nothing to compare perfection to, and thus perfection would be a neutral concept and we would know no real happiness. Basically what I am beginning to understand is that the world needs to have these stereotypes to succeed. Don’t think I am promoting stereotypes, or advocating bullying or anything of the sort. I’m merely stating that they assumptions and judgments we make are what make us human. We all have the natural instinct to compare ourselves to others, and for better or for worse it's part of our society.

Getting back to myself, as I said I have been classified as a nice person, a trustworthy friend, a agreeable individual. While these traits have some truth, it is not exclusively true. I, like many others, have different personalities or at least different ways of acting around certain people. Around my friends I think I am the closest to being “myself”. However, we all do things to impress other people, and this happens the most among our peers. Whether we call each other “posers”, “fake”, or whatever, we are all guilty of it to some degree.

A lot of people know me as a Mormon. People assume that because I’m a Mormon I act and doing things differently. Parts of my religion my religion may seem different but they don’t define me as an individual. In our society we group people all the time, whether it be race, economic status, gender, religion, we make judgments about a person based on all these characteristics. As a Mormon I probably get more questions about religion than an average person does. It is probably because people know less about my religion than say Catholicism. There are also many generalizations made about me because I’m a Mormon. Things like having multiple wives, which isn’t a thing anymore by the way, or being rich. These assumptions don’t hurt my feelings and I am always glad to correct stereotypes. We shouldn’t be offended by these assumptions. You are the only person that knows you perfectly, and therefore only you can define yourself. So don’t let others hurt you or bring you down based on their impressions and assumptions.

Hover Plants (Not parents)

Do you have helicopter parents/guardians?

*Note I was sick when I wrote this. Sorry if it is incoherent.

The hot air on my ears, the constant breathing behind me, the occasional “Whatcha doing”; these are the characteristics of a hover. We all have someone, whether it is family or a friend, who loves to hover. It could be your little sibling, or even your overprotective older sibling, but most of the time it’s your parents.

When we are younger it’s our parent’s job to hover over their kids. They don’t want 2 year old little son to find the bleach under the sink. They are programmed to keep watch over you. However, as you grow older some parents don’t want to let go. They continue to treat you like little kids who need constant protection, they lurk in the background constantly checking your activities and making sure that you are alright. They micro-manage every single thing in your life, they tell you exactly what to do 100% of the time and leave you with no freedom or privacy. As a teenager this can be quite annoying. Teenagers need a certain amount of privacy, give them too much and they will do whatever they heck they want, give them too little and they are going to hate you the rest of your life.

I would like to characterize our development to adulthood as a seed growing into a tree. When you are born you become a seed planted in the ground. It is your parent’s job to nurture the seed and allow it to grow.  Let’s imagine that teenage years are the most vulnerable years of the plant; when the plant is sprouting and is easy to destroy by accident. When a tree first begins to sprout often times gardeners will tie the young sprout to a straight stick. The stick is meant to help guide the tree to grow straight upward, however if you remove the stick too soon the tree will begin to grow sideways and it will inhibit it’s potential. If you remove the stick too late then you also damage the plant as it will grow short and stay the same height. Parents are the stick in this analogy. They have the option to allow you to grow sideways and do whatever you want. Or they can be the hovering micro-managing parents who leave the stick there and inhibit the trees growth. Personally I think my parents are just a little bit on the hovering side. They do give me responsibilities but they also monitor my time spent on the computer and tell me to spend more time on my homework and less time playing games.

Parents aren’t the only people who are allowed to hover. I know that one of my favorite pastimes as a younger kid was to bother my older siblings. The best times were when they were on Facebook. I would often stick my head close to their shoulder, enough so that I could read what was on the screen, but not enough that they could see me in their peripheral vison. After about a minute or so they would notice my breathing and yell at me. They said that they were talking about “older kid” stuff, stuff that I wasn’t allowed to see. I learned to breathe more through my nose and breathe out very softly, I became quite good at hovering. I didn’t know how annoying it was to my two older sisters. All I knew at the time was that it was really fun. I soon became the “older kid” and it was my sister’s turn to hover. It realized how annoying it was when your siblings are trying to snoop in your business. Sibling hovering is different that parents hovering. Parents do it to protect you and to try to help you. While siblings just do it for the fun of bothering their older siblings and getting attention from them. 

You Nerd!

Have you ever been embarrassed by something you used to like?

 “The Uni High Illineks?” my friend asked mockingly, “More like the Uni High Nerds!” Most people at Uni have probably been subject to a similar situation. We probably all know what it is like to be called a nerd. There is no inherent reason a “nerd” is an insult. As members of society we are surrounded by people who attempt to get by with the least possible amount of work. Anyone who goes above this standard is called a “try-hard” or “nerd”. One definition of nerd is “a single-minded expert in a particular technical field”. Despite the definition we give the word bad connotations to the point where it becomes a hurtful insult.

In elementary school I, like many others, was accused of being a nerd. This accusation came with good reason. I was obsessed with elements, rocks, minerals, anything about science that my brain could understand at the time. I spent countless hours copying down the periodic table or recording the hardness of different minerals. I remember turning in a five or six page document about the solar system. Even though I was part of the gifted program my classmates thought I was trying too hard and I can recall getting called a nerd more than once. The first few times I took it as a compliment. I figured it meant I was really smart and intelligent.

After a few more exposures to the word I could tell by their disparaging tone that they meant it more as an insult than a compliment. I don’t think they meant it in a harmful way, and it was more of a joke at first. As with any joke, the accusations soon became more hurtful. Embarrassment and humiliation set in. I lost interest in my hobbies. I didn’t check out as many science books from the library and I hid all my documents in a drawer.

It wasn’t until years later that I stumbled upon them again. I had forgotten about them for the most part. When I pulled them out I had an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia, similar to when you pull out an old journal and read the entries from many years ago. You know the feeling when your mother pulls out old baby pictures and shows them to all your friends? Then all your friends say “Aww, you were so cute.” They just complimented you, but at the same time you feel slightly embarrassed. I had the same type of feeling when I pulled out all my old projects. They represented all of my hard work but I was embarrassed all the same. Looking back, we probably all classify our early selves as immature to some degree. Some of us don’t really like to talk about all the stupid things we did as a kid. I was one of these types. I told myself that I wasn’t a nerd anymore; that I had moved on.

In spite of “moving on”, I wasn’t done being a nerd yet. I applied to a new school and was accepted. Uni High was a totally different place than public school. Everyone at Uni is exceptionally intelligent in some way. I was surrounded by people that probably went through situations similar to mine. Uni had a unique atmosphere and it wasn’t filled with the constant air of judgement. People weren’t afraid to be nerdy and show their talents. In other schools you don’t really want to be classified as the nerd or you will get picked on. Uni was different. I wasn’t as scared to be a “try-hard”, because plenty of other people were trying their best too. My embarrassment for my old self began to wane and for the first time in a long time I was content with being a nerd. Now whenever I am called a nerd I take it as compliment because I have no reason to be embarrassed.