Have you ever been embarrassed by something you used to like?
“The Uni
High Illineks?” my friend asked mockingly, “More like the Uni High Nerds!” Most
people at Uni have probably been subject to a similar situation. We probably
all know what it is like to be called a nerd. There is no inherent reason a
“nerd” is an insult. As members of society we are surrounded by people who
attempt to get by with the least possible amount of work. Anyone who goes above
this standard is called a “try-hard” or “nerd”. One definition of nerd is “a
single-minded expert in a particular technical field”. Despite the definition
we give the word bad connotations to the point where it becomes a hurtful
insult.
In elementary school I, like many others, was
accused of being a nerd. This accusation came with good reason. I was obsessed
with elements, rocks, minerals, anything about science that my brain could understand
at the time. I spent countless hours copying down the periodic table or
recording the hardness of different minerals. I remember turning in a five or
six page document about the solar system. Even though I was part of the gifted
program my classmates thought I was trying too hard and I can recall getting
called a nerd more than once. The first few times I took it as a compliment. I
figured it meant I was really smart and intelligent.
After a few more exposures to the word I could
tell by their disparaging tone that they meant it more as an insult than a
compliment. I don’t think they meant it in a harmful way, and it was more of a
joke at first. As with any joke, the accusations soon became more hurtful. Embarrassment
and humiliation set in. I lost interest in my hobbies. I didn’t check out as
many science books from the library and I hid all my documents in a drawer.
It wasn’t until years later that I stumbled
upon them again. I had forgotten about them for the most part. When I pulled
them out I had an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia, similar to when you pull
out an old journal and read the entries from many years ago. You know the
feeling when your mother pulls out old baby pictures and shows them to all your
friends? Then all your friends say “Aww, you were so cute.” They just
complimented you, but at the same time you feel slightly embarrassed. I had the
same type of feeling when I pulled out all my old projects. They represented
all of my hard work but I was embarrassed all the same. Looking back, we probably
all classify our early selves as immature to some degree. Some of us don’t
really like to talk about all the stupid things we did as a kid. I was one of
these types. I told myself that I wasn’t a nerd anymore; that I had moved on.
In spite of “moving on”, I wasn’t done being a
nerd yet. I applied to a new school and was accepted. Uni High was a totally different
place than public school. Everyone at Uni is exceptionally intelligent in some
way. I was surrounded by people that probably went through situations similar
to mine. Uni had a unique atmosphere and it wasn’t filled with the constant air
of judgement. People weren’t afraid to be nerdy and show their talents. In
other schools you don’t really want to be classified as the nerd or you will
get picked on. Uni was different. I wasn’t as scared to be a “try-hard”,
because plenty of other people were trying their best too. My embarrassment for
my old self began to wane and for the first time in a long time I was content
with being a nerd. Now whenever I am called a nerd I take it as compliment because
I have no reason to be embarrassed.
