Assumptions and Judgments

What assumptions do people make about you? *Help me with transitions please.

In it’s early history America became known as the “melting pot”, immigrants and ex-slaves and everyone in between came to the new world for a better life. However, things didn’t always go the way people wanted. Stereotypes began to arise, ideas like Asians have “squinty eyes” therefore they have bad eyesight, or blonde people are ditsy and clumsy. We still have stereotypes today, and whether or not they are offensive we still make assumptions when we really don’t know much about the person.

Well, I’m a white Caucasian male. I’m sure there are many stereotypes, but I have never really been subjected to them. There are broad general stereotypes, but people also make assumptions on a personal level. For pretty much as long as I can remember I was the “goodie-two shoes” the “teacher’s pet” or what have you. I don’t intentionally suck up to teachers, it’s just sort of my personality to be nice to people. I’m pretty sure I have never been hated, that obviously sounds incredibly arrogant, but I think it is true for the most part. I can’t remember anyone who despised me and was always rude and angry with me.

This is the point where you are expecting some cheesy line like “If everyone was kind we would live in a much better world ”. Ya whatever, everyone is different and if we live in a place where everyone had the same ideals and same morals the world would be pretty damn boring. The world needs some sort of contrast. If everyone was perfect there would be no evil, if there was no evil there would be nothing to compare perfection to, and thus perfection would be a neutral concept and we would know no real happiness. Basically what I am beginning to understand is that the world needs to have these stereotypes to succeed. Don’t think I am promoting stereotypes, or advocating bullying or anything of the sort. I’m merely stating that they assumptions and judgments we make are what make us human. We all have the natural instinct to compare ourselves to others, and for better or for worse it's part of our society.

Getting back to myself, as I said I have been classified as a nice person, a trustworthy friend, a agreeable individual. While these traits have some truth, it is not exclusively true. I, like many others, have different personalities or at least different ways of acting around certain people. Around my friends I think I am the closest to being “myself”. However, we all do things to impress other people, and this happens the most among our peers. Whether we call each other “posers”, “fake”, or whatever, we are all guilty of it to some degree.

A lot of people know me as a Mormon. People assume that because I’m a Mormon I act and doing things differently. Parts of my religion my religion may seem different but they don’t define me as an individual. In our society we group people all the time, whether it be race, economic status, gender, religion, we make judgments about a person based on all these characteristics. As a Mormon I probably get more questions about religion than an average person does. It is probably because people know less about my religion than say Catholicism. There are also many generalizations made about me because I’m a Mormon. Things like having multiple wives, which isn’t a thing anymore by the way, or being rich. These assumptions don’t hurt my feelings and I am always glad to correct stereotypes. We shouldn’t be offended by these assumptions. You are the only person that knows you perfectly, and therefore only you can define yourself. So don’t let others hurt you or bring you down based on their impressions and assumptions.

Hover Plants (Not parents)

Do you have helicopter parents/guardians?

*Note I was sick when I wrote this. Sorry if it is incoherent.

The hot air on my ears, the constant breathing behind me, the occasional “Whatcha doing”; these are the characteristics of a hover. We all have someone, whether it is family or a friend, who loves to hover. It could be your little sibling, or even your overprotective older sibling, but most of the time it’s your parents.

When we are younger it’s our parent’s job to hover over their kids. They don’t want 2 year old little son to find the bleach under the sink. They are programmed to keep watch over you. However, as you grow older some parents don’t want to let go. They continue to treat you like little kids who need constant protection, they lurk in the background constantly checking your activities and making sure that you are alright. They micro-manage every single thing in your life, they tell you exactly what to do 100% of the time and leave you with no freedom or privacy. As a teenager this can be quite annoying. Teenagers need a certain amount of privacy, give them too much and they will do whatever they heck they want, give them too little and they are going to hate you the rest of your life.

I would like to characterize our development to adulthood as a seed growing into a tree. When you are born you become a seed planted in the ground. It is your parent’s job to nurture the seed and allow it to grow.  Let’s imagine that teenage years are the most vulnerable years of the plant; when the plant is sprouting and is easy to destroy by accident. When a tree first begins to sprout often times gardeners will tie the young sprout to a straight stick. The stick is meant to help guide the tree to grow straight upward, however if you remove the stick too soon the tree will begin to grow sideways and it will inhibit it’s potential. If you remove the stick too late then you also damage the plant as it will grow short and stay the same height. Parents are the stick in this analogy. They have the option to allow you to grow sideways and do whatever you want. Or they can be the hovering micro-managing parents who leave the stick there and inhibit the trees growth. Personally I think my parents are just a little bit on the hovering side. They do give me responsibilities but they also monitor my time spent on the computer and tell me to spend more time on my homework and less time playing games.

Parents aren’t the only people who are allowed to hover. I know that one of my favorite pastimes as a younger kid was to bother my older siblings. The best times were when they were on Facebook. I would often stick my head close to their shoulder, enough so that I could read what was on the screen, but not enough that they could see me in their peripheral vison. After about a minute or so they would notice my breathing and yell at me. They said that they were talking about “older kid” stuff, stuff that I wasn’t allowed to see. I learned to breathe more through my nose and breathe out very softly, I became quite good at hovering. I didn’t know how annoying it was to my two older sisters. All I knew at the time was that it was really fun. I soon became the “older kid” and it was my sister’s turn to hover. It realized how annoying it was when your siblings are trying to snoop in your business. Sibling hovering is different that parents hovering. Parents do it to protect you and to try to help you. While siblings just do it for the fun of bothering their older siblings and getting attention from them.